Finding the Wings to Fly

butterfly

Once upon a time, there was a little shy girl, who was told to keep quiet. So she believed that she had to speak only when she was allowed to. The shyness was making her blush all the time. And that made her feel even more uncomfortable, as everyone could see that she was embarrassed by this.

Until one day.. It was too much blushing for her, so she decided, then and there, that she will never blush again! She began reading detective stories, where the hero had to keep a straight face to avoid giving up what he really felt inside. That was a good advice, she thought to herself.. And she started practising it! She began building up her walls, her protection against pain and embarrassed.

It seemed like a great plan! People now no longer could see her emotions. No more blushing – mission accomplished!

The downside of it was that the emotions had to go somewhere.. And she dealt with them as best as she knew how.. She hid them in the cover of the night, in the loneliness of her room, in the cell of her mind.. A painful loneliness. She thought she couldn’t share that with anyone.. Not with her parents, not with her so called friends.. She felt alone. But she wasn’t blushing any more!

Years later she was challenged to feel! Her first big love made her question everything about her walls. It was again a painful experience.. the process of taking down brick by brick, the process of making her heart feel again out in the open. But now she began to like feeling again. It made her question the walls..

The downside of having the walls down was that all of those trapped emotions were beginning to surface again! And what a rush of feelings that was! The lowest moments of her life! Because she believed the thoughts and the emotions that she was feeling. She believed they were real, she believed she was alone and that no one else knows these feelings.. Funny now.. It was like a self fulfilling prophecy. She couldn’t see others around her, she couldn’t ask for help, she didn’t know that she can ask for help.

Her mom though, felt that something was happening with her.. And she stepped in. She helped the little shy girl. It became a year of healing. It became a year of rebuilding. But this time the walls were becoming permissive walls, just a little better than the previous version. Still, there was more growth for her to experience. She could feel that..

Now, after 31 years, she found herself! She understood that life happened for her, not to her. She understood that all the experiences she had until now, made her this wonderful loving and caring woman that has so much wisdom to share with the world. She understood that it’s time for her to own her journey and to share the gift of it. She understood that it’s her path to help other shy little girls blossom into the women they really are.

Yes. I am who I am. I choose to see all of me and to finally have peace within. I am inviting you to let me help you do that for yourself too. I am inviting you to ask for help. You are not alone! You are whole and complete! Let me be there for you! Let’s talk!

Lovingly, Ana

 

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